Ten years ago, on an early September morning much like this one, I was getting ready for work with my TODAY Show companions Matt and Katie chattering away in the background.  I’d just returned from getting my children off to school – 8th, 6th, and 3rd grades.  My wife, 7 months pregnant, was already at the office, managing our small family-owned business.

Life was plugging along, pretty much mindlessly for me.  Then it all changed.

The chattering on the TV turned serious, concerned, confused.  I sat down, paying full attention, and watched incredulously as it all changed.

The north tower of the World Trade Center was on fire, and it was pretty scary.  Fifteen minutes later, I watched in disbelief as the second plane flew into the south tower, and it was totally surreal.  Then I heard about the third hitting the Pentagon, and the fourth spiraling out of control nearby in rural central Pennsylvania.  All hell was breaking loose, and I’ll never forget the feeling of complete uncertainty and helplessness.

Everyone has had their own journey.  Everyone is healing in their own way.  And we are all doing so, together.

Ten years hence, I thank God for the gift of another day.  And for the joy and pain of raising three children from elementary school to college, alongside the pain and joy of raising another from birth to the start of fourth grade this week.

Amazing grace indeed, this circle of life (which includes the mysteries of death).

I don’t know what tomorrow will bring.  I don’t know what the next moment will bring.

I am aware, in this moment, that I am eternally grateful for this life, and for all those who have shared the journey with me.

I am aware, in this moment, that I am hopeful and enthusiastic about our future together.  I believe our divinely-inspired, compassionate humanity will prevail.  I choose to believe that.

And I will continue in my daily work to shine that light of love wherever I can.  Even as I do so as a perfectly imperfect human being.

Today, in this moment, I simply wanted to share a heartfelt wish from my family’s faith:

May the Peace of God be with you.

Wherever you are, however you spend this weekend – may Peace be with you.

It’s June, and for some of us, that means graduation time – a time of traditions and transitions.  I’ve had the distinct pleasure and honor of traveling life’s journey with some really fun boys over the years who have developed into some really good young men.

Many of these boys have been clients who have struggled to overcome difficult life obstacles that have been thrown in their way; some have been family friends who have likewise strived to achieve their dreams through the growing-pains of adolescence; and one has been my son, whose quiet determination to succeed with humility and humor, has been an indescribable source of inspiration for me.

I’m so thankful for the many blessings that each and every one has brought into my life.  While I usually fill this space with my thoughts and words, today I’d like to share a bit of their stories.

With their permission, I am offering up a glimpse of what some of today’s youth think and feel about their world.  First, I have a senior speech written by a graduating high school student that I worked with to help him overcome some learning challenges and anxiety issues. Glad to say he succeeded in beating both and achieving his goal of a high school diploma.  Second, I have my son’s valedictorian speech that he gave this week at his high school graduation ceremony.  In both of these speeches, we see the hard earned wisdom – and gifts – of believing in yourself and in your community.

I couldn’t be more proud of both of them.

__________________________________________________

“Lessons Learned”
High School Senior Speech
By David Kidd

During my entire school career, I have struggled to meet expectations given to me, but several individuals have helped me scrape by. They’ve taught me lifelong lessons that will continue to help me long after I finish school. There are three specific lessons that have had the greatest impact on me.

FIRST, you can’t succeed unless you try. Success, in my book, is accomplishing something when you make the effort. Even winning the lottery requires buying a lottery ticket. There is no such thing as “free” success, even if telemarketers tell you otherwise. Yet, there is no limit on how much success you may have. You just need to apply yourself.

This speech was a very difficult task for me since I have never been good at writing essays, or so I often try to convince myself, and I had spent hours mulling over ideas for the topic, without gaining much ground. Yet, I made the effort. I worked through it. Now here I am giving my speech. I succeeded.

SECOND, if you have strengths, use them. Strengths are skills or interests that allow us to succeed easier. Some of my strengths are music, poetry, and working with technology. They are my strengths because I’m good at them. People enjoy doing things they are good at. If you enjoy creating art, then you should do so – it will make you happy. The same goes for choosing a career. You want a career that you will enjoy, so you should get a job that you’ll be good at. If you have something that you need to accomplish do it in a way that you are good at – use your strengths to help you do it.

Earlier this year, I was asked to write a piece about Shakespeare’s play “Hamlet”.  The type of piece we wrote was our choice. Poetry is one of my strengths, so I used this strength and wrote a poem about “Hamlet”.  Not only was this much easier for me than writing an essay would have been, but I also enjoyed writing it.

THIRD, you decide your limits.  If you believe you can accomplish something, you can. If you don’t believe you can do it, you’ll find it to be nearly impossible. If you set no limit, it can be surprising how much you really can do. It is your beliefs about your abilities that determine their limits.
I believed that I could make it through high school. Well, I’ve made it this far, and Graduation is just around the corner. I believed I couldn’t pull off strait A’s, and my transcript agrees with me. I have no limit for where I take my life, so perhaps I’ll surprise myself there, too.

These lessons I’ve learned by listening to peers
My mom and my sisters, for many long years

Success isn’t free; you have to try
Or you can choose to kiss your dreams goodbye

Having success is fun; it’s true
And your strengths make success even easier for you

If you set a limit, that’s where you will stay
So don’t set a limit that gets in your way

These lessons aren’t trinkets to put on a shelf
They’re life-lessons that can help you to better yourself

__________________________________________________

Valedictorian Address
By Kevin Montminy

When I was first asked to give a speech representing the Class of 2011, I went where any high school student of my generation would: straight to Google. I typed in Valedictorian speech and immediately over a million different sites were at my disposal to write a fool-proof speech that would incorporate everything a successful speaker needs. Looking over all the different ideas that could be used as the theme to my speech, I realized something extremely important about my school and classmates. No web site, how-to blog, or search engine could truly speak to the special class of which I am a part. I could have picked any vague or indistinguishable idea that sounded great and supposedly addressed these last four years of our lives and the next step we are about to take, but with this class and school, it just didn’t seem right. Instead I closed the internet browser and looked over my high school career and thought about the great things Penns Valley has given me. Memories of all the different moments so far in my life flooded me, and I realized that nothing I said or wrote would do this class and our time together justice.

For all the people sitting here there are an assortment of different personal memories that they carry with them. Collectively, when all these are put together, we have something extraordinary. And that’s what I believe we have here at Penns Valley. Plenty of different school districts pride themselves on their sense of community, but it’s here that I see it the most. What I’ve experienced is a student body that knows each other. I look around up here and see every face of the class of 2011 looking back at me, and I wouldn’t want to be sharing this moment with any other group. High school is only one small part of life, but it has been the most important part of our lives so far.

Many of you will move on to do tremendous things, but one thing I know for certain is you will never forget the parts of your life that have made you who you are today because of what Penns Valley Area High School has given you. In school or out, this class and this time of our lives will be looked back upon as something special. It can’t be defined by dictionaries or the internet but can only be remembered and carried on by each individual sitting here with us tonight. It’s a little intimidating to think that our Penns Valley career is coming to a close. But is it really? If there was one thing I learned growing up here is that Penns Valley will never be something that is over for us. With this school and class, it’s actually a new beginning. The people of this community and school will be there with us as we head off into a new realm of reality.

Remembering our class and the times we had, makes me look forward to the future. As the poet Robert Frost once said, “In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: “it goes on.” For that, I have to admit I may have used Google, but nevertheless it reminds us that high school is a platform that we are about to jump off of into whatever we may want to pursue. This jump does not have to be a complete blind leap of faith. We have a base that we have established through the years at Penns Valley and now it is our chance to build upon this and make life what we want it to be. The great memories and opportunities of these last years here should excite us to do bigger and better things. They are the building blocks of our life, and I am truly happy to have such a strong foundation that I can attribute to the people of this Valley and school.

Lastly, I want to thank you, Class of 2011, for making my and everyone else’s experience at Penns Valley such a distinguishable and memory-filled stage of my journey in life. Without everyone here, we wouldn’t be what we are. Everyone contributed to add his or her own special touch to defining what this class is about. It’s not what Google or Wikipedia may have told me to write, but this class is even more special because of each person who is about to graduate from this great school. I am proud to be a part of this class and will never forget, no matter where I go in life, what this community and school have done for me. I hope you do the same. With that, congratulations to all of you, and may your dreams fly as high as your hats. Good luck!

“If mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.”  It’s Mother’s Day weekend, and how better to celebrate than to recognize this old truism.  For a family to function and thrive, it needs a mom who feels well, does well, is well.  Of course, we double our chances of a happy, healthy family if dads join in on this wellness plan too.

So let’s see, how can parents maintain a happy, healthy lifestyle in the midst of their crazy busy lives?  Take care of yourself first, and then you’ll be able to take good care of your children.  Remember, children learn what they live.  So, here’s a reminder of the seven dimensions of living well that you may want to foster in your home.

1. Physical Wellness.  It’s about understanding your “heredity and habits” – your biological vulnerabilities and risk factors, along with your lifestyle choices, that will help you prevent injuries, illness, and disease in your life.  Be proactive with your body, not reactive, and get regular medical care that includes wellness visits.  Then practice the “Big 3” –  SLEEP enough, EAT smart, EXERCISE regularly.

2. Intellectual Wellness.  It’s about maintaining an open mind and curiosity about the world, being eager to learn new ideas, skills, and customs.  Stay young and vibrant by being a “life-long learner” – exploring new experiences, developing new competencies.  Read, listen, discuss with others, debate, challenge yourself, think critically not just blindly.  Give yourself some creative outlet – make time for a hobby that engages your brain and your heart.

3. Emotional Wellness.  It’s about being aware of your full range of emotions, accepting them, and regulating your expression of them.  Gently acknowledge that it’s okay to feel sad, mad, scared, etc., it’s what we do with it that counts.  Practice self-regulation (from self-awareness to self-control to self-worth).  Develop relaxation strategies.  Focus on gratitude and forgiveness (yourself as well as others) and charity, and you’ll find your way to more hope and happiness.

4. Spiritual Wellness.  It’s about having a set of guiding principles and values that give your life meaning and purpose.  Often it may include a faith in a higher power, a Universal life energy, a living God, and a shared religious community or practice.  Always it includes a belief in the power of love, of hope, of goodness surrounding us, and the practice of compassion for one another.

5. Social Wellness.  It’s about your roles and relationships – how much you experience and maintain a sense of connection with others.  Do you feel loved and loving towards family and friends?  Do you feel committed to the well-being of your communities – both local and global?  Seek companionship with positive, supportive people.  Practice constructive communication and conflict resolution skills.  Listen attentively, speak respectfully, play joyfully with those close to you.  Connect and offer service to those in need, near or far from you.  Be a part of something bigger.

6. Vocational Wellness.  It’s about career satisfaction.  Seek a job where your gifts, talents, and skills are applied in ways that are meaningful and fulfilling.  This can happen anywhere and in any task or responsibility – no matter how seemingly big or small. Love what you do!  Surround yourself with positive, encouraging, and supportive co-workers.  Be one yourself.  Find strength in teamwork.  And maintain a healthy work/life balance.  Be fully present at your work, for a limited time only.  Then be fully present to the rest of your life as well.  That’s how you’ll be most productive in both realms.

7. Environmental Wellness.  It’s about being appreciative of mother nature and aware of our interdependence with all things on this living earth.  It’s about maximizing harmony and minimizing harm to the planet.  Yes, it’s about thinking globally and acting locally.  Maintain a safe, clean, and beautiful home and work environment.  Practice the “3-Rs” of healthy consumerism – reduce, reuse, and recycle.

There you have it – 7 Ways of Living Well.  This isn’t another to-do list for you to be burdened by.  This is a list of values and priorities to set your compass by.  It’s a way-of-being list.  How do you want to be in this world?  “Be well, do well.”  With a wellness-centered view of your life – pausing to reflect on these 7 dimensions of wellness – you can then choose daily to-do items that enhance your energy and your joi de vivre.  Life is too short to do otherwise.  Carpe diem!

Practice these 7 habits of wellness in whatever way suits you.  Focus on one area, one step at a time – and take some mindful action that you’re ready, willing, and able to follow through with.  Fall off the wagon?  Just get up and get back on, and keep on going.

As a mentor of mine once said, “It doesn’t matter what you choose, as much as it matters that you choose.”  So choose some wellness area you care a lot about right now, and take that next step.  Just do it.  And enjoy it.  You – and your kids – deserve it!

“Take the first step in faith.
You don’t 
have to see the whole staircase. 

Just take the first step.”

- Martin Luther King Jr.

This is the quote that greeted me this morning when I logged on to my iGoogle home page.  I’ve seen it many times before, and always find it inspirational and reassuring.  Thought I’d share it with you today, as we celebrate the start of the Easter holiday weekend.  It’s a time for renewal, new life Springing up all around us, and renewed faith.

It’s a lesson I keep learning over and over.  I don’t have to have it all figured out.  It’s silly, in fact, to even try.  Instead, I can choose to believe that there is a higher purpose to my life, and that no doubt the Universe is unfolding as it should.  I can, and do believe that we are all meant to keep stepping, one step at a time, in the direction of our true heart’s desire.  Not some false desire, driven by ego or doubt or need.  But stepping out, in faith, towards the truths that your highest self knows to be right.

For me, the steps I can see behind me and in front of me (from my view at mid-step), include these truths:
 
We are all children of God.
 
Every child has strengths to be celebrated, struggles to overcome, and positive potential to fulfill.

Every parent and teacher and counselor has valuable gifts to share and guidance to offer.

The first of these gifts is mindful awareness – being fully present and paying attention.  Really seeing and hearing our children for who they are, and who they are capable of being.  When we are awake to these realities, we can help our children live up to their potential, not in some vague future-oriented goal kind of way, but simply and practically each and every day.
 
The second is compassionate understanding and acceptance.  We won’t always approve or our children’s choices or behaviors, but we can always accept them for who they are – with all their divine talents and limitations.  We can graciously accept our strengths and limitations as well.  In doing so, we plant the seeds for forgiveness when we – and they – inevitably fall short of perfection.  And with acceptance, comes the grace to continue in the face of adversity.

The third is aligned action.  Are we acting and speaking with integrity, honesty, and respect to our children?  Are we walking the walk, not just talking the talk?  What do they see when we interact with our spouse, our relatives, our neighbors, our colleagues? When we step out into each new day, whatever it may hold, and act in good faith, aligned with our values, then we – and our children – grow stronger everyday.  The rest of the story will take care of itself.

We don’t need to see the whole staircase.  We just need to keep taking one step at a time, with a loving heart, conscious, thoughtful mind, and hopeful spirit.

Beyond that, who knows where the climb will take us.  But I do know that when we take each next step in faith, we’ll get where we need to go, and hopefully enjoy the journey along way.

Why do you think I started a group dedicated to the emotional well-being of children and adolescents named MIDSTEP Centers for Child Development?  And started the KIDSTEP Coaching Programs to help school-age kids (and their parents and teachers) step into a life-time of success?

Because I believe!  It’s worth continuing to help each other take that next step.  – Even when we can’t see the whole staircase.

It’s Thanksgiving – the time of year when we pause to give thanks for the bounty of the harvest and the blessings of family and friends.  Yet Thanksgiving is a holiday that can serve us, and our children, best when we celebrate it throughout the year.

Developing an “attitude of gratitude” isn’t about some compulsory mandate to run around and say thank you to others because it’s the polite thing to do (though that’s not exactly a bad thing, either!).  It’s about acknowledging and appreciating the blessings that we’ve received, that we are receiving, and that we look forward to receiving. 

And like most things, it’s an opportunity to make a conscious choice.  It’s not about glossing over the struggles and suffering of life.  Rather, it’s fully acknowledging those things too, and appreciating that we’re still here.  It’s recognizing that somehow we’ve overcome those challenges, we’ve survived that pain, and we’re still capable of laughing, loving, and learning how to enjoy another day. 

When we practice an attitude of gratitude, we receive many unanticipated bonuses.  Recent research has shown that being thankful leads to improved moods, physical health, relationships, productivity, and sense of well-being.  It decreases depression, and increases happiness and life satisfaction.

This habit of maintaining an attitude of gratitude isn’t always easy, especially if you haven’t been naturally inclined towards it.  There can be obstacles to gratitude, brought about by life experiences and self-defeating thought patterns.  In fact, the brain is wired somewhat for a “negativity bias” where, for the survival of the species, it pays attention to and remembers negative or threatening encounters most vividly.  This can be magnified, of course, by real life suffering or traumatic events.  And the busyness of daily life itself doesn’t easily allow periods of reflection, where grace and gratitude can grow.

Sometimes those of us raised in western societies who are taught so much about self-reliance and self-sufficiency, are uncomfortable with the notion of receiving from others and appearing dependent or needy.  Other mental roadblocks, such as comparison thinking, perceptions of victimhood, and internal conflicts about worthiness can get in the way.

Yet the amazing thing about human beings is that, as always, we have a choice.  We have a brain that is also uniquely wired for conscious thought.  We have the ability to consider and choose how we want to respond to any given situation. 

When we choose to STOP, RELAX, AND THINK about what makes us happy, about what gifts we’ve received in life, about what blessings we’ve encountered – then we can start a positive snowball rolling in the direction of greater happiness and contentment with our lives.

This practice is essential to our personal well-being, which is essential to providing positive parenting (and teaching), which is essential to our children’s ability to thrive in today’s ever-challenging world.

So, how do you develop a healthier attitude of gratitude?

Dr. Robert Emmons is a prominent researcher in this area and the author of the popular book Thanks! How the New Science of Gratitude Can Make You Happier.  I was privileged to participate in a semester-long course with Dr. Emmons several years ago on this subject, and it was an incredibly uplifting experience!  Here’s what he and others have concluded are the “top ten tips” for maintaining gratitude:

1. Keep a Gratitude Journal.  Writing in a daily journal, even simply listing three things that you’re thankful for that day, has been shown to relieve depression in some people as much as antidepressant medications.  It develops your ability to be on the look out for blessings, to focus on and remember the things that matter most.  Ten minutes a day, applied regularly, can work wonders for your soul and your moods.

2. Remember the Bad.  Acknowledge and accept the bad things that have happened to you, and then recognize that you’re still standing.  It’s about moving from “I’m either happy and grateful or I’m miserable about things” to allowing that I can feel “both happy with good things in my life and sad or mad about other things.”  Both are real, and you can really appreciate the sunshine when you recognize that you’ve weathered the storm

3. Ask Yourself Three Questions.  A traditional eastern mediation technique known as Naikan involves reflecting on three questions that can help us address difficult situations and relationships.  The three questions are: 

“What have I received from…?”
“What have I given to…?”
“What troubles and difficulty have I caused…?”

Quietly reflecting on these questions for 15-20 minutes each evening can provide a powerful reshaping of our inner dialogue and open us up to a more humble and grateful disposition.

4. Learn Prayers of Gratitude.  People with rich spiritual lives, including the religious practice of praying daily, feel much more gratitude, peacefulness, and security in their lives.  As they say, give it up to a higher power, and give thanks to God, the Universe, or your understanding of Life-Giving Source.

5. Come to Your Senses.  Pay attention to what you see, hear, touch, smell, taste.  Be present to the here and now, and experience the natural pleasures that surround you every waking minute.  Get out of your head, and into a full awareness of your natural senses.  Become intoxicated and invigorated with life’s sights, sounds, smells, and textures.

6. Use Visual Reminders.  Surround yourself with beauty, art, and inspiration.  Have photographs, images, and quotes posted all around that inspire and remind you.  To breathe.  To relax.  To appreciate.

7. Make a Vow to Practice Gratitude.  Behavior and mindset changes occur more easily when we’ve made a vow, a firm commitment, to do so.  When you decide to change, you will.  Not want it or wish it or thinking about it or trying it.  When you are determined to change, you will.  Make a vow to yourself, and then to another person for support, and commit to following through.

8. Watch Your Language.  Your words influence your thoughts and actions.  What you say out loud reinforces your worldview and helps to create your actual experience.  Be mindful of what words are coming out of your mouth.  Make a conscious choice to speak more words of kindness and gratitude.  Catch yourself speaking otherwise, and when you do, simply “Rewind and Replay.”

9. Go Through the Motions.  The old saying, “Fake it ‘til you make it” has some wisdom in it.  Smiling sets off signals to the brain that start lighting up neural connections involving positive mood and memory.  When you start saying “Thank You” to the world more often, start writing down things your grateful for, it can start that positive snowball rolling, even if you’re not totally feeling it.  Stay with it, earnestly seeking to find blessings in your life, and the grateful feelings will start to flow.

10. Think Outside the Box.  Look for the gift, the blessing, where you least expect to find it.  Crises and catastrophes – natural, medical, financial, relational – have a way sometimes of waking people up to what really matters.  They can, indeed, be blessings in disguise. 

With my thanks to Dr. Emmons, I pass on these tips to you as a Thanksgiving gift.  Don’t feel the need to put too much on your plate – you don’t need to gobble up all of these tips at once – or ever.  Just pick one or two and dig in, savoring them this week and every week throughout the year.  You, and your children, will be glad you did.

It’s Memorial Day Weekend.  Do you know where you mind is?  How about your heart?

You’ve got an extra day off from work; the kids have the day off from school.  So what are you doing with this gift of time?  Tend to the garden, go to a park, have a cook-out, catch up on some chores, visit some friends, wash cars, pay bills, surf the web, go to a movie, clean the bathrooms, or what?  What are you going to do with this little holiday break, the unofficial start of summer, and why?

It’s a national holiday, and the United States will honor those who gave their lives to protect our country and to protect the ideals of freedom and liberty for all.  Who will you be remembering and honoring, so that their lives will continue to be a positive influence on your children?

Amongst all the running around, or just putting your feet up and doing nothing, take a few minutes each day this weekend to pause, reflect, and be aware of what you are thankful for.  What gifts of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness are you enjoying right now, thanks to the country that with all its flaws has provided you with these opportunities?  And give thanks to a God or Universe that, without any flaws, has seen to it that your life is just perfect as it is – whatever the circumstances, you are loved and worthy of love.

Now, with a centering prayer or reflection of gratitude like that each day this weekend, go ahead and pay attention to those thoughts as much as you can throughout the day.  Notice how lighter and happier you may feel.  Notice how your attitude about the stresses of daily life may shift, and the more important matters of the heart rise to the surface more easily.

Quietly notice what other pleasures you see around you that you are thankful for.  Let this awareness guide you in feeling more free and giving to others – especially with your children.

With this heightened awareness of what you are grateful for, what and whom you wish to remember this weekend, you will more easily honor those that came before you, and more fully pass on those gifts of love to your children, family, and friends.

Now, with that little extra oomph of gracious awareness, spoken out loud to your family or just carried as a glowing light inside you, go crank up the grill and have some fun!

I went outside yesterday morning to take our daughter to the bus and stopped dead in my tracks.  “Ahhhh.  Feel that?” I asked Hannah.  “Do you feel that?  That’s what Spring feels like!” 

It was a glorious, crisp morning with the sun coming up over the mountains spraying our lush green fields and woods with sparkling orange and yellow highlights.  Brilliant blue skies with scattered wisps of white cotton provided a carefree canopy overhead.  The air was freshly cleansed from the previous night’s thundershowers, and the sweet smell of lilacs and honeysuckle tickled our noses.

“Look around and take in this beautiful day that we’ve been given,” I encouraged my little girl, as she probably rolled her eyes behind me.  “And listen.”  We stood still, taking in the day through all our senses for just minute, and listened to two, then three, then four different song birds fill the air with their mating melodies.  Ahh, “It’s May, it’s May, the lusty month of May!” I thought, smiling to myself as the tune from a long-cherished performance of Camelot echoed in my mind.

Two frolicking squirrels chased each other across the lawn.  A family of deer grazed casually in our western field.  And bees literally buzzed about the blossoms of our walnut trees.  The cool morning air and warm glowing sunshine took turns kissing my cheeks, and I deeply inhaled the sweetness of it all.

Moments like these bring me such joy and peace.  They give me the strength to dive back in to the white-water rapids of the daily stream of life. 

I gave a brief prayer of thanks, and one of hope that little Hannah would really remember this morning.  Hoping that she would be graced with many such memories of a sweet-smelling, peaceful, and loving home that was simply there, always there, around her. 

Then off we went, back into the bustling activities of a busy family – enjoying the rest of the season’s treats.  This week has included Kevin’s high school prom and the end of his baseball season, more of Hannah’s little league games (where the pure joy of getting safely to first base can still make your day complete!), and Sarah’s return home from college final exams.  We can’t wait to visit our oldest daughter Jen and her vibrant new life in New York City next weekend.

Meanwhile, today is our son’s 17th birthday, and tonight we head to Virginia for his weekend AAU basketball tournament.  But first, we’ll cheer Hannah and her classmates on at their annual elementary school track and field day.  She’s very excited (probably far more so than during yesterday’s bird singing extravaganza), because the highlight of the day will be who gets bragging rights from each grade’s old-fashion tug-of-war contest. 

The second grade finale features Mrs. Glossner’s class (with Hannah) versus Mrs. Smith’s class.  Hannah and her girlfriends have concocted a secret plan to victory – and she’s been practicing all last night and this morning.  See, just as they begin, the girls are going to start singing Taylor Swift’s hit “You Belong With Me” while they heave-ho.  They figure the boys on the other team will be so shocked and distracted, and maybe even cover their ears, that their team will quickly pull them all over to win the day! 

Hope springs eternal, as they say.  And I hope you enjoy yours with your children.

Well, I’ve had enough.  The rats have won the race.  I give up.  It’s over.

You can’t ever do enough it seems.  You try to do the best you can, but it never feels good enough.  There’s always another item on the to do list – another 10 items, just for today.  Forget the 100 items on the master list that I’m supposed to keep for “brain dumping” to clear the mind.  Then there’s the Bucket List – those dreamy life aspirations that sound so good in a poetic or romantic moment – and make for great movies – but then just come back to haunt you – because, well, life just isn’t like the movies.  And you just can’t ever seem to get there. 

If I could just get this one thing out of the way, then I’ll be able to enjoy myself.  When the kids get into school, then I’ll have more time for those other things that I really care about.  When the kids get out of elementary school, they won’t need me as much, there won’t be so much PTA and Scoutmaster and AYSO coaching to do.  I’ll just get to sit on the sidelines of the game or in the audience of the play once in a while, then I’ll have lots more time for my other interests.  Oh, when they get out of high school, I won’t be running around to all these games and fundraisers and playing cab driver to a bunch of hormone-charged kids that want to go, go, go.  Then I’ll have time for myself.  My marriage.  My friends.

Oops. They’re gone.

My kids have grown up.  My wife and I have grown apart.  My friends have gone away.  My self is some vague stranger I once kinda liked and now don’t even know.

It’s over. I can’t continue the charade of being some super child psychologist and family coach, let alone father, husband, and friend.  It’s time to hang it up.  So, sorry gang, this will be my last article and the last “Kidstep Connections” newsletter.  There’s no energy, no fun, no point anymore.

APRIL FOOLS!  This could be my life – and at moments I’ve certainly felt some of these things.  I imagine we all have (please tell me it’s not just my imagination!).  But I can assure you, this is not what my life, personal or professional, is all about.  Thankfully, I have something much bigger that I feel a strong part of that keeps me going.  With humor and humility, and some days, even grace, I keeping on going.

The true meaning of Spring, and for some of us out there, of Easter, is that life is constantly renewing itself.  We will always have periods of cold and darkness.  Yet it will always be followed by warmth and light, if we stay open to that very possibility.

Remembering that “what you focus on, grows,” we must not allow ourselves to let small setbacks, honest mistakes, and moments of true pain blind us to our bigger truths.  Let’s not dwell on the imperfections of our lives, other than to acknowledge that they are a real part of who we are, and that’s okay.  We need not, and never can be, perfect in that artificial, superficial way our achievement-obsessed society has contrived.  And neither can our children. 

So let’s not be SO caught up in fulfilling our potential (or our children’s potential), that the quest becomes like the Myth of Sisyphus, pushing that giant rock of expectations up the hill over and over, only to despair as we watch it falter and roll back down, to begin the arduous climb once more.

Instead, let us focus on the joys and riches we – our selves, our spouses, our children, our friends, have to offer along the way.  Let’s see the true perfection and beauty of the diversity of talents, and shortcomings, that we all share. 

Parents, remember that your children are not all the same, and loving them equally does not mean they get the exact same thing from you all the time (a big source of sibling rivalry and parent angst).  Rather, let them always feel they are loved equally and fully, and that will mean they get different things from you at different times because they have different needs.

Teachers, remember that all your students are children, not robots, and so equal does not mean the same.  Fair is treating everyone with equal respect, which means doing whatever you can (and that includes accepting your own realistic limits) to guide each student in the way they can best learn and grow.

Spouses, those “opposites” in personality and style were part of the initial attraction that led you to fall head over heals.  Now, don’t let them be growing, poisonous irritants.  Keep respect in your heart, and find a way to recognize that you bring complimentary strengths to your partnership, not competitive ones.

I was guest lecturing for a Human Development class at Penn State the other day.  One of the students asked, “What is the most essential aspect to parenting?  What is the best piece of advice you would give to young parents?”  After a moment’s thought, my answer was blindingly clear to me. 

Borrowing one of my favorite quotes from Neal Donald Walsh, I said the key to good parenting is to always start with this: “WWLD – What Would Love Do?”  I’ve never met a parent who wakes up in the morning and says “I can’t wait to screw up my kid today!”  Every parent, in his or her best moment, loves their children and wants what’s best for them.  Yet the stresses or our daily lives and vulnerabilities in our personalities lead us to stray at times to be impatient or frustrated, to yell or insult or ignore.  Or to just plain miss an opportunity to nurture our children, to help them learn and grow from a life challenge. 

Yet, when we can take a deep breath, being fully conscious and present with our child, when we can mindfully remind ourselves, “What Would Love Do?”, we will invariably make the right move.  We will naturally, and whole-heartedly, give our children our best selves.  And that’s all any parent can do.

Now offering that bit of advice felt like some good Spring cleaning for my heart and soul.  The key, of course, is for me to go home and practice it with my family, in good faith, without undue pressure to be perfect.  How ‘bout you?

May we all enjoy the new warmth of the Spring sun, and what the budding blossoms are about to remind us.  Life keeps going.  Life really does keep growing, with love and abundance.  And so can we.

Happy Ground Hog Day!  Are you kidding me?  No, here is central Pennsylvania – that’s still a big deal.

One of my Penn State graduate students actually had her parents come visit from out of state to be at Gobbler’s Knob at dawn this morning to see Punxsutawney Phil’s prognostication – a longer cold winter, or a sooner spring thaw?

(Sorry, word has it, he saw his shadow again – six more weeks of winter.)

So what?  Well, one of my all-time favorite movies is Ground Hog Day.  My wife and kids and I curl up with blankets and pop corn around this time every year to watch it – which we did again on Saturday night.  Why do I love it so much, and why the heck am I writing about it now.

Well, I did another one of my favorite parenting programs last night, “Finding the Time to Enjoy Your Life and Your Kids Again!”  We spent the evening taking inventory of what’s most important in your life, and how you can find the time for it.  And it got me to thinking…

Bill Murray found one way to enlightenment in this farcical, yet philosophical, romantic flick. He was forced to live the same day over and over again until he learned his lesson – found his truth – and starting living it in earnest.

What would you do if you had only one day to live over and over again?

Maybe you’d act out at first with wild fantasies, naughty or crazy or whatever – just as Bill does.  Then you might get bored, or depressed, or desperate for a spell.  Eventually, if you’re lucky, you’ll come to realize that life doesn’t have much meaning if we’re in it just for our own gains and needs.

It means a whole lot more when it’s shared with others – when we can give, lovingly of ourselves to others, and rejoice in regular (not necessarily random!) acts of kindness – just for the joy of it.

Now, a subtle part of the movie is that Bill has to go through a cleansing period, a period of self-care and self-development, before he has strengthened skills that he can then put to good use serving others.

This is just like my prescription for less stress and more life satisfaction in the T3 Family Wellness Program.  Before you can effectively call TIME OUT to resolve conflicts with your kids (or anyone), you need to share enough positive, fun TIME IN with them to build loving relationships.  And you can’t do that, if you don’t take enough TIME OFF to re-energize yourself, first.

To produce good output – parenting or otherwise – we first need to have good, quality input to fill our souls and our minds with the beauty we want to see in our kids and in our world.

So during this mid-winter pause – for some a time of silly celebration – let us also use it for a time of brief reflection:  What would I do if I only had one day to live?  And why am I not living my life that way now?  What am I waiting for?!

No time like the present.  Take a deep breathe.  Think about what matters most to you today.  And live it. Go love someone.  Just for fun.  Ground Hog Day is as good an excuse as anything!