Caring for Kids Starts with YOU

by admin on May 6, 2010

I know a mom (do you?) who gets up at 6:00 every weekday morning to begin her routine as the family field general.  She makes the kids’ lunches, signs permission notes, makes sure game uniforms are out of the dryer, and checks backpacks for homework.  Getting iPods and cell phones turned off for a minute (no easy feat), she previews the evening logistics of how everyone’s getting to ball practice or music lessons or youth group.  With any luck, everybody makes it out on time, with no bloodshed.

That’s the first hour.  After a full day at her “other job,” this mom heads back home where the real fun begins.  Depending on the day of the week, she’ll juggle any number of roles, taking turns as a chauffer, a tutor, a cheerleader, a cook, a counselor, a law enforcement officer, an air traffic controller… well, you get the idea.

To be fair, I know some dads who have pretty similar schedules.

This high-pace stress trickles down to, and sometimes floods, our children too.  Daily hassles often turn into power struggles over chores or homework or “screen time”.  And these power struggles may erupt into temper outbursts – either theirs or ours.

What’s a Busy Parent To Do?

After 20 years of counseling families – and dealing with the same challenges as a parent myself – I’ll tell you a dirty little secret I’ve learned.  TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF IS NOT OPTIONAL!

The first crucial step to coping successfully with family stress is to regularly take TIME OFF for your self, away from the rat race, to nurture your body, mind, or spirit.

Yes, BUT… you probably feel like “there’s never enough time” or “everyone else’s needs come first” or maybe even “I don’t deserve it.”

Well, let’s stop and think.  Do you really want less conflict with your kids, and more joy in your home?  Then just remember the old truism, “If momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy!” 

Quick, what makes you happy?  Name 3 things right off the top of your head.  Anything you enjoy doing, receiving, experiencing, getting.  What lights you up?  Recharges your batteries?  Okay – now picture doing or receiving one of these things for a half-hour every day.  Rotate the menu and treat yourself to 30 minutes a day of undivided self-nurturance.

Not enough time?  Yes there is.  It’s your choice.  Remember, you can afford the 3 hours a week this would entail – and leave the other 165 hours in the week to attend to everyone else’s needs.  I promise, the world won’t come to an end!  In fact, a whole new, joyful, more energized world will start to grow – for you and your kids.

In order for you to be the parent you want to be, the one you’re fully capable of being, you need to nurture yourself first.  When you’re feeling re-energized, then you have more of your best self to give your kids.  You’re going to be more warm and affectionate.  You’re going to be able to provide firm, fair limits and follow through more effectively with any discipline.  And your kids are going to benefit tremendously.

So go for it!

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