The Solutions
So, given these major contributions to youth violence, what can we do? The answers are simple enough to state. The key is whether we have the political will as a society, and the personal resolve as our children’s caregivers, to practice what we preach. I sincerely pray we do.
1. Listen, empathize, and connect with your kids. Be open and available to hear your child’s feelings and frustrations. Let children know that their angry or anxious feelings are okay to have, no matter how intense or unusual they may seem to you. Show your kids – with calm, casual, and frequent conversations – that you’re there for them. And you’re willing to try to understand their thoughts and feelings.
2. Teach safe, smart coping skills. Then remind the children that there are better and worse ways to express those feelings. It’s what you do with it that counts. There are lots of smart choices (talk it out, write it out, exercise it out, play it out) that are safe, and there are lots of poor choices (aggressive, acting out). Keep reminding children that they have choices, and there are always consequences that go along with their choices. Encourage them to make the right ones.
3. Be a positive role model. We must practice the right choices ourselves if our words are to have any influence on kids. We must strive to constructively express our angers and fears in the home, workplace, and community. We must think consciously about what entertainment we consider worth watching. If we don’t practice what we preach, how can we expect our children to?!
4. Enforce your limits. As parents and teachers, we must keep rewarding pro-social behaviors and punishing antisocial behaviors. Constantly. Firm limits need to be clearly stated and consistently enforced. Aggressive behaviors should not work for the child, but against him. Earning – or withdrawing – privileges that the child enjoys in his daily life is often most effective. Just remember, effective consequences must be meaningful for the child, and doable for the adult. You can fill in the blanks from there.
5. Limit access to violent media. For most kids, like most adults, some exposure to violent entertainment isn’t going to lead to the person acting violently. The key here is in the frequency and intensity of the violence, along with the child’s ability to distinguish fantasy from reality. Simply put, what percent of your child’s social diet is filled with electronic media (TV, videos, games, internet), and what percent of that is filled with violence? If more than half their free time is consumed with violent fantasy and gaming, then clearly there’s greater risk of a child acting out in similar ways. Just don’t allow it. Redirect your child to other forms of entertainment and socializing. Why wouldn’t you?
6. Prevent access to weapons. Finally, any guns and ammunition anywhere near kids should be kept under separate lock and key, with only responsible adults having access to these weapons. Children and adolescents’ access should be under strict adult supervision only.
While we can’t completely guarantee anyone’s safety, we can go a long way towards reducing the risk of youth violence by seeing that these 6 simple steps are taken each and every day. Certainly our kids’ lives – and our own – are worth it.
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